The Recovery

Since the day after I lost it all, I went on to the stage of recovery. The healing of the broken heart, the challenges of the aftermath, the effort to get back the old life, all includes in this big movement in my mind that is still going on until this very day, which I like to call it...

The Recovery

  Firstly, we have to always keep in mind, when one significant event that happens to change your life, in a good or bad way, it will always leave blessings or scars, we can never forget something that important that can impact our lives so drastically. Losing something important is indeed the hardest thing to ever endure, and yes, it left me with scars, it will be always there no matter how much effort is used up to heal it. With the knowledge of us, being so helpless, we cannot heal these psychological scars, What we can only do, is to do our best to mend it, to make it not damage our lives severely.

  On the day when I lost that important thing, I lost myself, gave up my body to endure physical pain, exhaustion, and emotional breakdowns. I let all senses go, as sadness overcomes the body, holding onto my communication devises, being asked kindly and "compassionately" of how am i doing. Why to state the obvious, yes, i am fucking sad. So that night was hellish, it's like i was drunk without the consumption of spirits. However, I gave myself in to the devil himself. Possessed, I live my daily life miserably. Going to class seeing what I've lost, everyday was painful. Listening to the favorite songs of the favorite artist hurts my ears. I cannot bear the sight of what I've lost everyday. The hatred in me grew towards everyone I saw, violent thoughts came through my mind everyday, the heart pumped needles every glimpse of her i took.

  Cleansed i was, after the Australian trip. Cleansed from the demons that roams within my heart after that dreadful night. A small part of them still remains. Save by the Lord Christ himself in the form of the beloved, I  started to pray everyday, hoping for the same thing, just to get it back. Although the cold treatment I get from Skype after the exorcism, I did not feel as bad as before, i felt lifted.

  Soon I head back to classes, and still I am seeing it everyday. Every morning class, my second most loved science subject turned into hell. Seeing it right in front of me killed me yet it soothed me as my love still stands strong. Sometimes I think, I was noticed, soon it joined the later sessions, so that i will not be able to have a sight. Dinner times, daily outings, on the birthday itself... I was crying inside every fucking time. I cannot bear the sight. I stopped Skype to avoid the usually red box, stop listening to the voice of a wonderful artist, even avoided the beautiful name of hers. Attempts were made to converse, it was never the same as before. Yeah, right, remaining friends. Strangers are what i see. There are more painful moments to come. The amount of pain I've been through, was too enormous to endure, so painful, I cannot engage myself in recovery. I hated everyone that were being so close to her and mentions the name. I was angry. Just because i loved too much, but they deserved better attention. They did not gave up as much as i do... Every night, almost, i was under the table, crying out in regret of what i did to have made me lose it. What? Didn't think I tried to make an effort to make it work again? You don't know what I've been through to get it back.

  You Angry after seeing this? What I've been through, my life was completely ruined because of it and here you are being angry of what I've said. Please, understand first before blasting me. Well, everything was better after sending farewell with sad farewell tunes with my guitar and voice. The music was an aid to block off my emotions. Once home, I brokedown again. I am truly sad of seeing it leave, but somehow happy that it is gone. I can now start focusing on the real recovery of my life.

  I first started looking back into God. Praying every night, thanking Him for everyday no matter good or bad, apologizing and confessing guilt and sins of the day, wished for small things in life to succeed, and most of them do come true, but every time, without fail, i will wish for the ultimate, to get back what's important to me. So then I started to pick up on my studies as well, try to get myself more immerse in school work. Get to know more people and communicate like how i used to before the tragedy happened, and i got myself busy with uni applications as well. The recovery was going well, as time slowly heals my heart. Still avoided the things like Skype and Bruno and even sometimes Facebook to avoid getting hurt again. Everything was going well. Getting happier music into my life was relaxing, love songs , motivation songs, country songs, relaxes me. Getting myself involved more in school activities as well, leading a musical performance, having multiple acoustic singing performances, recording songs, met new people along the way, i can say, I am living the good life, and i think this recovery process is going on pretty good.

  Friends, they changed along the way and didn't seemed to fun anymore, now that slowed down the recovery process a bit. They became lazy asses not going to gym, ffked, some emo as fuck, PMSing more often than usual, some douchebag 1994s came in and ruined our lives and i dont understand why people seem to like them, some went on dating other people, FPs and PTs and then the most recently sex happened, more annoying outings that i don't feel like going, the word "lansi" came out and became so damn shitty annoying, a lot of shit happened after it left for the states. Because it is then, I realized the puzzle of the group is missing. We were perfect as one, we were all so good together, no one can add in, and once one goes out, all will be affected...

  So far, my recovery is smooth. I hope it will continue to be smooth. I shall live on, in the states, to make sure the recovery must go on improving. I fear Spring Break... Either it will end good, or I'll die inside once again. I'll do my best, to face you once again and at least, start over.

What's Left Behind.

  The new semester had been smooth so far, too smooth... Now that's a problem. I can say 70% of my time was spent either chilling, at the gym, or sleeping. And I know someday I will bound to feel that difference for this semester. Yes, missing some friends, no big deal i thought. I just tried not to think about that feeling as much as possible. And a few weeks ago I once again went to a nice "FFK"ed trip to the gym, and as usual, ALONE. MOTHER FUCKING ALONE. You bloody mother fuckers, you know who you are... as usual. I was doing my run, took my favorite spot with a mirror in front of me. Not for the view for my "perasan" self, but instead as a motivation to lose all that fat, since everyone has been calling me fat but actually my muscles are just getting bigger but the eyes of normal human beings always lead to my tummy and starts to complain and laugh about it. Well sorry for being so fat then. But that's not the point. Well, there I was, staring at myself running on the treadmill. Noticing the only part that jiggles is my bloody tummy. Looking at that, you will bound to get bored of it. So my mind went off somewhere else. Of all the topics, it ends up thinking about that topic that I was avoiding all this time. The truth, "Difference". I don't live up to "change" that quickly. It just makes me sad to think of the fact that, this semester is totally different, in a way that I do not like at all.

  I avoided it, but the first thing is the obvious, lifestyle. The lifestyle for this semester is quite laid back for me. Relaxing, chilling in the room with good music, annoying roommate gone for good. It was great. Classes on Tuesday and Thursday only, 8 to 11.30, then i can have all the free time i can get. Finish my homework due in one month in a day. Everyday, waiting for my University to at least give me an answer, nothing happened... And I'm still mad about it. Waiting and looking forward for the next hectic moment of arranging housing problems and visas. I try to head back to Seremban to visit and spend as much time with the family as possible. Well, that's basically it for my life right now. It is that relaxing.

  Another thing is activities. I have to say i hate people, I love my friends. So are my friends people? No, they are friends. Monkeys in my eyes. That leakage of my circle of friends has caused much of a stir to the remainders. The energy for this semester is weak for the sophomores, or better put as the remainders. The younger ones want to show their stuff with another ADP cup like shit, well this shows how old we are already. Dinner times were lonely, sometimes it's just me and 2 other great guys and 2 other great girls that remained from the once great group of mine, or worse just me myself. Oh yes, we do get along, the conversations flow smoothly, but the energy that was once so powerful, gone. We do go on group dinners which I reluctantly went on. It was the same shit, the energy was lost. I do not feel "Appiness" anymore, Vijaya students should get it. With some people gone, my happy energy cannot burst out to be as entertaining that i once was. I have to admit, the "Let's Go WHATEVER" shit is annoying the fuck out of me. I FUCKING hate it. It's like being dragged to a dinner that i can only seek pleasure to only fulfill my appetite, but not my happiness. Gym times, friends FFKing me for the stupidest reasons. "Tired ah" "Study ah" "Lazy ah". Giving me indirect answers. "Eh Jason, I MAYBE cannot go gym lah" WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? If you do not want to go tell me straight. Well I do enjoy a lonely gym, but at least sometimes i want balance it up a bit. So I ended up reducing the sadness by taking my mind off this shit. I joined the Taylor's Music club Elite team and got in, and then lead and coordinate a performance for the dean's retirement... But... I am not happy for this semester.

  Having a big part of my group gone, I start to feel this emptiness. It was a huge emptiness. Well at least this semester, my heart of demons had calmed down, the main source of my torment has gone far. This calm.. After all those painful hours i spent under the table, praying to exorcise myself everyday. After that night I watched it walked away... I felt my soul set free, I went back under that table one last time, released the emotions, sang my heart out... then I decided to put that Love safe in a special box in the heart, hoping one day that I can open it up and start over again, and that flame shall not fade, it continues to burn, but locked up properly, and will open up when the time is right. I have never felt so calm in such a long time. It was then i have to realized... I have to admit, I have one of the best bunch of friends I had in my entire life. Boohoo to you high school friends. Explanation... In high school, I was being myself but not completely as my high school friends are still stuck in their "seremban" logic, which... doesn't really suit me. Maybe not as open enough. Then I came to college and met mother fuckers that i can call real friends. And yes, they saw the real me, the saw the Happy me... I was finally happy after such a long time. I can tell my type of jokes, i love their jokes. Although lame and i get annoyed but at least i was happy. 2 years in college, the adventures I had with them are much more extreme and fun compared to high school. But what I love the most is my only group of friends, not the big group, but the small group that started everything. You know who you are... Nope, not the "add-ins", but that group that was formed from the 2nd sem onwards. Those are my best of buddies i can have. Trust me, we did so many stupid things together as we are just so comfortable with each other. Get drunk, talk trash, cried, play lan games, shouted for no reason, ate awesome food, you just fucking name it. And all that made me, happy. It's not that I do not like the group i am having now, it's just not the same... I am not happy...

  All that, that energy... Gone. The people in my group all have their special traits, combine them, and the you get the perfect group, for me at least. I avoided this topic so much... But my mind always comes to it. It is painful to know the truth. And it will disperse further as we move on, I'll be off to the US soon, i hope, with no friends to start. Hope to go back to the old times. Now, writing this has been painful as well, i think i just cannot bear the pain anymore... Well under the table again i guess...

Weep not for the memories.

Pavements Of Spit. ShenZhen A Descriptive, No pictures.

  I decided to go for this journey a few weeks before, and i somehow do and not regret for going on this thing. So back in Malaysia now, i shall talk about how ShenZhen really is without looking at the travel guides.

  So the flight there was kind of boring. But when i reached there, that sudden change of culture... The "China" smell immediately flew pass as i step out that plane. The worse thing was, we have to take a bus to the terminal itself, which was quite annoying but didnt surprise me at all as i went to other states in China and given the same treatment. So yeah, humid it was. Summer, and very hot at night. So we went to the terminal, blue signs with Chinese all written, feels like in Taiwan, but well, i have to say, i felt really down-graded. The smell of China became stronger in the airport. Well, it sucked more lining up with this very obviously plastic big eyed OLD lady standing opposite you, noticed i emphasize OLD, yes, it was deep shit scary. Curly hair, kinda looks like someones mom with plastic eyes. She had an ugly ass daughter as well, maybe that explains the plastic surgery for the mom, maybe rewarding it to the daughter later. No matter, pass immigration quickly and rushed to the taxi stand, as i was hungry for some great Shen Zhen food that my dad kept on boasting about. 

  The taxi stand, there i experienced the true culture of China, spit, spit, spit, and then smoke, and again he blows the smoke to your face. Basically what i meant was this asshole, smoking and spitting behind my while i was busy waiting for the taxi, and i cannot take smoke, my dad pushed me behind him and protected me from it. At that time i thought that was it, no one would do that again. But damn when i went up that taxi, half of the journey was fine. I was listening to my dad talking to the cab driver, mixing of Mandarin and Cantonese. Then as soon as he reached the city, fuck he opened the door suddenly at the red light, and spits. I was like what the fuck... Speechless. Well, how i felt was, that he was fetching his overseas customers and he spits to show his courtesy. Dafuq was that? I was confused at the culture. Eventually i spitted a lot in ShenZhen too, but lemme continue with the cab ride. During the ride, i have also noticed the sign boards and roads, exactly like Taiwan, but the traffic was horrible. At night, there were less cars, i assume in the evening or afternoon can be worse. Buses on the slow lane going as if it was at the fast lane. Buses and trucks playing, cutting  and speeding. And don't forget the spitting, they never failed to spit. The language spoken by the driver was fine. 

  Half and hour and we finally reached my dad's apartment. Welcomed warmly as i stepped off that car, in front of me a prostitute holding a drunk like man, i forgot he was either Chinese or Caucasian, walking pass me. Well, i did not take a good look as i was kinda "embarrassed" to look at them, dad was there so i better not show interest in this kind of shit. If i were with my bunch of ass friends, i think i will go on playing around. My dad lives in a quite a high class apartment according to him. Swimming pool, tennis court and  lots more. According to my sister, who has been here before, said there were to be dogs roaming free around apartment garden, but i did not see any. Sad for me. Moving on, my dad's unit. He live kind of high up, 16 floors to be exact. The building was reddish. Then i entered the units, smooth wooden floors, dining room with the kitchen at the side. Big living room with a LED flat screen. I explore further, my dads room and then a guest room, plus a room where he stores his shit. Two toilets, one which is my dad's with a tub. And the other one was with a washing machine and dryer which was at the living room area. And that was where i take my shits and showers from. With air conditioning too.

  Looking at me being so descriptive for  the apartment and i am too lazy to continue, i shall go on with the journey. So after settling down for a while, we head out for food. The walk to Sea World, where all the good food is. Along the way, guess what, yes, spitters again. It's like everywhere you walk, you will be stepping on spit. They can spit everywhere. Then as we were walking, i once again, after a huge time spent on 9gag, i understood, the Ching Chong language. My God it was so damn noisy. Not to be rude, but it was irritating. I do not know what they were saying and they were talking so darn loud. It was literally, i guarantee, they went like Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong. I did not know shit of they were talking. I assume that my Chinese speaking was loud and clear, which was like the Taiwan chinese style. But this, oh my god, the noise was unbearable, i don't remember the time it was this noisy, i think it's worse than Ah Beng shouting suddenly and unnecessarily. Worse than the har gao siu mai feller in the pasar malam. It was that noisy. I feel you UCLA girl. Well, but that is their culture, although the noise, i somehow enjoy it. I'll take it as a good experience then. 

  Reached sea world and we headed for this Swedish restaurant. The friendly waitress greeted us warmly. Weird, but then my dad told me he comes here often and he knows the waitress well. So yeah, and my sister started giving him the face. But that doesn't matter as the food was so fucking awesome. I do not care about what my dad and sis ordered, too normal, but mine was epic. Double cheese burger. Sounded easy? No, it was big. Two very thick patties, lots of cheese, Swiss cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles and many other little things in it. For supper a huge burger. The waitress warned me about it but i still went on with it anyways. So it came and i was happy instead of shocked. My appetite ran wild, and i started to take the first bite immediately. It cannot fit in my mouth, i squished it down and then tried again. It fit, took one big bite. Pulled it back, the cheese oozed out, pulled the cheese long long, the taste, intense beef flavor, the creaminess and milkiness of the cheese, the tang from the barbecue sauce, ketchup and pickles, the soft moist bun, the crunchiness of the lettuce. All in one bite, the chewing process was heavenly..all textures in one big bite... Orgasmic, the mouth jizzed with drool... I watched my sister stared at me with amazement... Wow, wait... it gets better, i washed it down... With a nice glass, of ice cold french beer.. It was awesome, the coldness contributes a lot, the beer was wheat beer, but with the fragrant taste of fruits.. The beer was kind of sweet as well, very smooth. Fruity beer! Maybe it was like the Lychee beer that Vivian talked about. But it was awesome, i cannot use other words but pure awesomeness. I was full, very full. so we walked off to McD for some ice cream. Taste the same. Nothing special. Moving on, we went back to the apartment for some shut eye, and that was Day 1. So I'll go along with day 2 when I'm free. 

A funeral, to my lost friends.

Not being rude, but, i have that funeral feel for this past few weeks now.

I'll cut through the indirect statements, and I say that yes, friends leaving one by one had been a pain to the deepest of my soul.

A funeral, not as in death, but it is more of losing someone important to you, leaving you all alone, and we know that they are not leaving to harm you, but instead they were leaving to a better place.

All the great people are now going off, and I'm left with douches.

Friendship is what my soul cherish, it is what my soul goes to when it is in burden. Friendship, calms the demon in my heart. Douches only enrages it, and I'll burst out killing.

Friends, come back... My soul needs all of you.

With my roommate leaving me, it was fun living alone, but when the other one came in, then i came to realize how important he was to me. How much of a great guy he can be unlike my douche new roommate. He was first, to leave for a better place. That was the first shot fired to the soul. I felt the pain, but i do not know what more to expect.

Next, one by one, more important people left. A good friend, left to a better place today. Another shot fired. But i must say, thanks for the meal, friend. Thanks for the meal. I will repay you.

Tomorrow, more.... And then more again. These shots fired to my soul has been painful.

Why do all the good ones have to go... and leave me with a small bunch of the good to suffer with me? And the huge amount of douches that i have to cope with. This funeral is too painful for my soul to bear, it makes me weep badly... But i shall weep quietly under the table like always. No, this time is not for love, but, for friendship.

To the great people that had been around me, supported and cared for me for all this times, i wish all will stay here, but that will not happen, as your time has come, for the journey to a better place. From the best songs I've heard,

 "If you feel lost and on your own, and far from home. You're never alone, you know? Just think of your friends, the ones who care, they all will be waiting there, with love to share.... Your heart will lead you home."

Never forget about that strong bond that we formed throughout this short one year we had together. Me myself, i cannot believe that such a strong bond can be formed in such a short time. I will remember everyone of you, never forget me either. Don't let your mind pass you by, weep not for the memories.

For the douches who are leaving and staying here, fuck you for existing and ruining my life...

I shall stop at this moment, if i go any further, the demons inside will take over and posses me, thanks to you douches. For now, i shall go under the table to weep my sorrows out, and calm the demon.

Please.... Don't leave... Friends...

My New Wooden Battleaxe of The Elements

9th of February 2012.

After a night of struggling for sleep because of the annoyance of friends making semi-funny-scary sounds with both their laptops connected by Skype and turning on the loud speaker, i woke up this morning next to one of their armpits. I was dreaming about killing people that ruined my life, the slashing and dicing of their fresh bloody human flesh. The smell of the dead flows smoothly into my nostrils, the smell of delight, the smell of the death of my enemies. I stood on top of this hill, celebrating my victory with a war cry. Then i started to snort in a huge amount of air, and i got this smell, this very sourish, wet, and pungent smell. It was a mixture of smells, the smell of the fish market, afternoon session where the fish started to rot, the smell of Seremban's Giant Longkang, plus the smell of the thickest yellowish urine in the world. I was woken up immediately from my sleep. Opened my eyes and i saw this really disgusting sight. My friends armpits were raised so high, the bush of hair of the armpits escaped the holes from the short sleeves of his t-shirt, spreading his armpits so wide, every wrinkled skin on his armpits expanded, leaving no skin folded, all opened for maximum amount of smell. The worst thing was i was only bout less than 2cm away from it. Normal human reaction, i screamed softly, shocked i was... I instantly went into a trauma. Jumped away from it, and quickly went into the bath room for a good wash. Double the cleanser this time, i washed my face with dettol too... Literally. Well, that's what you get for squeezing beds with lots of friends.

And so my mood was ruined once again. Since i might have a mood swing sooner or later, i'd better start working on this blog before my mood starts to turn bad again. So, i should start of my first life story, and the first one shall be a happy one instead of an emo one like my lousy Australian Trip.

Story One. "My New Wooded Battleaxe of The Elements"

8th Feb 2012

The day started off with me waking up early and tired, having my usual morning depression. Taking that warm shower and leaving it, and then entering the room of eternal coldness... Entering my first class, sad and depressing it was. Not gonna say why, but i know, it was FURTHER than usual... The lesson was hard, could not understand a thing, so my eyes started to wander around... 60% on the lesson the rest i used for thinking and wandering. Looking at the most beautiful thing in the world.. in pain and suffering. I entered this class without knowing about the emotional and psychological obstacles that i will be going to face ahead. And yes, it was suffering... Doing my best to bear with it... Let my heart burn lah, i told myself.

After that, the second class, i tried to keep my happy face on for my history lecturer then... Hoping to get a good participation mark from him. Pretending again... I should had went to theater class for such good acting skills.

Pissed, i was really pissed of myself for having one of the most shittiest day of my life. I went back home immediately, went to bed directly for my nap. Closing my eyes, gave a little prayer, "Father in Heaven, can my day get any worse?" i asked the Lord. The demons inside, forbids me from praying again, starting to do their usual slicing of the heart. The pain, put me to sleep. It was a dreamless sleep, and then just right before i got slapped on the feet by my roommate, i heard a voice, a grand and enlightening voice, saying, "No, Son."

Waking up blur and pissed by the shitty day, my roommate woke me up from my nap, and requests for lunch with the bunch, which i have totally no appetite for. With a depressing and furious heart, i headed for the classrooms to help with the usual confusion of what to have for lunch.

Weird... What the fuck is going on here... Suddenly calling me out, and everyone waiting for me just for lunch... I had this weird weird feeling. And why the fuck did my roommate suddenly want to wake me up from my  nap. Weird things going on here. But my mind was too tired to think. So i just plan to not give a fuck.

Entered the classroom, filled with people.. What the fuck is going on here? Ahh fuck that, my eyes were on that empty row of tables, tired i was and i lied down to enter my sleep zone again.

In the head

"Wait... The crowd in the room, the people writing stuff on the table, even the most beautiful thing was present in the room... Something is seriously wrong. The atmosphere was weird... OMG... Shit this cannot be... this must be a......." "Jason!!! Don't sleep already" the voice of Roxanne disrupts my thinking process. Took in a huge box, puts it in front of me. "Shit... oh no... please dont tell me... please dont say....."
"Happy Birthday Jason!!!" A few people from the crowd shouted.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!???"

Fucking shocked i was. Emotionless at first, shocked and don't know what to feel. They got me by the milliseconds, disrupted my thoughts, stopping me from figuring out what was going on.

Happiness kicks in. And this happiness was like getting drunk. I cannot control my body, i went insane, but this time i can actually see what i was doing. Am i like that when i'm drunk? No matter, i was happy. After a long time, i was finally happy. Although i knew it was temporally, but better than nothing right? At least this time, i don't need to pretend to be happy. I have never felt this happy for a long time already, and my pack of great friends brought it back. One of my birthday wishes had came true. "Having the best bunch of friends" That's one wish down, and that wish was still the easiest of all. Two more to go. Two more big big wishes that can change my life, and can confirm my happiness for the rest of my life. Both equally as hard to come true but it's possible... Hopefully it'll come true then.

Enough about that, let's open up that big box they gave me. Opened it, removing the huge staples, which they tried to stop me to, didn't care because of the happiness controlling my body. It opened to this guitar, rapped all in white. Tore that white stuff out, what i saw was this smooth wood Fender acoustic guitar. Fell in love. Grabbed it and hugged it tight. That smell of a new guitar.. Smells expensive as well. One of the few best birthday presents i'd ever had. Plus, they got my parents to pay as well. Now that was some cool shit there my friends. Finally happy for so long, i just have to write this blog before the happiness goes away, and it will soon.

You all might see it as a normal acoustic guitar. But for me, it's a gift from God. God answered my prayers. Picture the great man in a white robe, looks a little like Dumbledore, giving me this guitar. But he named it the Wooden Battleaxe of the Elements. Why is that, picture the guitar with some round colored pearls arranged nicely on every fret of the guitar. All with their own distinctive color.

Why elements? The elements represent the music that i can play with this guitar. And with every element lies some important people behind it. Don't get it, maybe examples will help.

Earth, the power that allows me to play heavier and more empowering songs. Rock hard sturdy songs. Firm of what i want. Westlife,Celine Dion, Whitney Houston.. All songs that give hope and the will to live on. This power came from my parents, taking care of me since i was born, and also from the more serious friends, not too outgoing and funny type of friends, but still maintains a sturdy friendship with me. The element of willpower.

Fire, now this one's allows me to play faster songs. Marilyn Manson maybe? Haha, nah, this one is not just anger and rage, but also high and exciting as well. Avril Lavigne, Maroon 5.. The more upbeat type of music. Coming from the friends which have the spontaneous personality. Always Optimistic type. The element of rage and excitement.

Water, this relates to me the most tears.. Sadness or Romance. Sad songs mostly, which i prefer singing because its easier to relate to. When i relate better, i sing better. Life is shit anyways, sad songs help me release some of that shit temporally. Like a rubber band, pull it forward, it always returns, like my sadness. Adele, Paolo Nutini, Jay Chou. The Kings and Queens of emo and self-pity. Well, there's only one friend that i can think of who is emo enough to be in this category. You guys should know huh? The Power

There are a few more elements, but i just don't feel like saying all... Lazy.

Maybe one more. Air... My favorite. The power of weirdness. Lazy to explain lemme just cut to the last part can i? If you somehow really want to know more, just look for me and I'll tell you myself.

This guitar will help me to play any element of music!! Except for dubstep... eww fuck that.. Wait... that's not music, it's noise.

Thank you all for this wonderful gift. As i said, i will cherish every gift given to me. That wallet MayGee gave me, whiskey container Wong gave me, and even that picture Keli made. I'll cherish it all. And that very special Text message too... I'll cherish that the most.

With this guitar, and my voice, i will bring as much entertainment to you all. Anytime you want me to play, tell me. If i know how to play, i'll do it for you.

With this guitar, I'll do my best to make it back on stage again. Where i used to enjoy being. The crowd, the cheering, and the singing... Gave me that will to go on stage again. So if i somehow manage to do so. Make sure you guys will be there!

And.. With This Guitar, i hope, with tears in my eyes, with a sincere heart, i really hope that... I can win back the hearts i lost throughout my life... That'll make me feel less miserable.

Well, i want to thank everyone that chipped in for this very expensive looking left-handed acoustic guitar with a built in tuner.. or should i say, My new weapon...

The Wooden Battleaxe of The Elements..


P.S. Those who CHIPPED IN for my guitar... Please... Come and Collect your Thank You Hug From me. YOU MUST COME AND HUG ME!! OR I'LL FELL GUILTY AND ANGRY! MUST COME AH!

The Roller Coaster life of a Lifetime

Brace yourselves...

It is time that i share all the magical moments of my life. I want to thank a good friend for recommending me to start my life blog. So here it is, the intro to my roller coaster ride called Life.

Magical, if i said the magical moments of my life i don't mean only the happy moments, should i say more? Yes of course it's going to include the shitty ones as well, so bear with me if you can. I am not always sad though, but when i am, i will fill my blog with all the sorrows, so prepare to be mindfucked by my personal torment. No worries, i will be happy too, sometimes. I'll do my best not to mention any names in this blog, unless if its a happy post than i don't mind mentioning. 

Follow me or not, i'll appreciate you for even reading my blog. As always, i love to share my life moments with everyone... Well maybe except for the ultra secret ones..

So yeah, a very short intro to start you guys off on what to expect for my life blog. Pull up your socks, strap on on your seat belts, put on your condoms and let's get started with the journey of a life time.... well, my journey of course..